Being a parent is the best and hardest thing that I have ever done.

In April of 2018, I became a solo parent to an awesome little boy, and I was immediately terrified. There was always something to worry about, and no shortage of reasons to feel like I was falling short.

Most of us parents feel this way, and yet talking about these struggles continue to be taboo. You might think, “Maybe if I complain, I’ll seem ungrateful and people will think I don’t love my child.” You might see another parent and think, “Wait a minute, they look like they’ve got it all together, I must be doing something wrong.”

You’ve probably noticed how many contradictory messages there are about how to “do it right.” Whether it’s baby books, the pediatrician, your child’s school, or your fellow parents, we are flooded with “huge no-no’s” and “must do’s,” and one expert’s “must do” is another’s “absolutely not, never ever do.” In a way, then, when the going gets tough, you are rendered at fault all the time, because if something isn’t going according to plan, it’s probably because you opted for the wrong choice.

And if your family isn’t traditionally composed, this experience of feeling like you’re not meeting the standards of a good parent is only compounded. The measuring stick by which “good parenting” is defined is based, like most things, on heteronormative ideals. Out-of-the-box parents are, by default, doing something wrong against the backdrop of a normative playbook.

If you are feeling this way, it’s just another layer to navigate on already bumpy terrain. But there are other parents going about this differently too. I believe it is especially important to surround yourself with a community that is inclusive and perhaps even “gets it” in one way or another.

I understand that we are all flooded with messages about how to be the best, how to hack every challenge, how we’re supposed to parent, and how we’re not supposed to parent. We’re bombarded with images of how we’re supposed to be and targeted by ads for the stuff that will get us there.

In conversations with you, my job is to make space for you to talk about your experiences openly and encourage curiosity. I aim to understand the specific meanings that you make out of your experiences, to explore where such meanings come from, and to collaborate with you on how to get you closer to where you’d prefer to be.